To Lent or Not To Lent

This is actually a post from a year ago...I don't know how re-posting blog excerpts fits into blog etiquette but rather than re-invent the wheel, I figured I'd share what my thoughts were on the observation of Lent this time last year. We are excited to participate in Lent again this year and are, once again, saying "adios" to sweet treats until Easter. It has been such a blessing to investigate this tradition. My prayer is that as we approach the Easter season, God would begin to prepare our hearts to celebrate the resurrection of our Savior.


From Feb. 26, 2010
"Last year Tim and I were blessed to attend a presentation of the symbolism and significance behind the Jewish tradition of the Passover meal. We were both fascinated by what we learned and discussed the beauty of ancient cultural and religious traditions and how so much of that Old Testament reverence is lost in our "what ever works for you" Christian culture. At the end of the presentation, the Jewish missionary who spoke, ended his time talking about the tradition of Lent. Having grown up in non-denominational and Southern Baptist churches, Lent was not something we observed or really spoke about. This novel idea excited Tim and I and last year we decided to fast away desserts and sweet treats for Lent. 

This year we have again given up all things sweet and delicious. Lent started last Wednesday, Feb. 17th and continues until April 3rd, the day before Easter. Though giving up sweets may not seem too big a deal, let me tell you, it is tough. Its not so much the big treats (pies, cakes, cookies, etc.) because we don't eat a lot of those foods. Its the things we eat without thinking about it (a chocolate covered strawberry at Bible Study, a handful of M&Ms at the office, a mocha from Starbucks) that are hard to say no to. 

I was reading about Lent earlier this week and really liked the following description from churchyear.net:

The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity. Lent, which comes from the Teutonic (Germanic) word for springtime, can be viewed as a spiritual spring cleaning: a time for taking spiritual inventory and then cleaning out those things which hinder our corporate and personal relationships with Jesus Christ and our service to him. Thus it is fitting that the season of Lent begin with a symbol of repentance: placing ashes mixed with oil on one's head or forehead. However, we must remember that our Lenten disciplines are supposed to ultimately transform our entire person: body, soul, and spirit. Our Lenten disciplines are supposed to help us become more like Christ. Eastern Christians call this process theosis, which St. Athanasius aptly describes as "becoming by grace what God is by nature."

(That last quote from St. Anthanasius makes me so excited and fills me with hope!) 

Observing Lent has become a new tradition for our little family and I am very excited to incorporate it into our Easter celebration. Though giving up chocolate donuts does not seem like a spiritually transforming act, our decision to remove yummy things from our menu for the 46 days until we celebrate Christ's resurrection, allows us to be reminded of the huge act of self-denial our Savior made on our behalf. Thinking about His ultimate sacrifice makes putting down that cookie much easier."

The Journey At Hand

There was a time, not so very long ago, when I would look at my life and the various events which would occur, and regularly say to myself, "I should blog about that." New furniture, a great recipe, some thrift-store finds, or a parenting dilemma were all viable candidates for a new post. I am not quite sure what happened. Suddenly this "blogging momma" went from once a week to... well, it has been four months since my last update.

All that to say, though I don't think I'm jumping back on the weekly wagon, I do hope to get back into blogging if simply for the sake of documenting life a bit. It is fun to look back on previous entries and remember valuable lessons learned and great deals found.

Ok so onto the actual blog post...

We have been in Visalia for almost seven months. Amazing to think about how much life has changed since January of 2010. In the last year we took a trip to the devastated country of Haiti, Tim took a new job with Valley Orthopedic, we moved to Visalia, got rid of the pacifier, bought our first home (which I consider as big of an accomplishment as getting rid of the pacifier), Tim went back to school, found out we were pregnant with #2, and survived two whole years of parenting (happy birthday Sawyer).

In the midst of the change and adjustment to life back in the Valley, we were praying regularly that God would lead us to a good church. Praise the Lord, by August of last year, we had found a home. We have plugged in at Radiant Church in Visalia and have been blessed beyond all get out during our time thus far. Radiant is a non-denominational, charismatic church of about 200 people and it is an alive and growing body.

Let me pause for a moment and address what I know some of you may be a bit hung up on. That word "charismatic" can bring a whole host of feelings depending on your experience and knowledge. When we were first invited to the church and were told it was "a bit on the charismatic side," we were hesitant, partly due to strange experiences, but mostly out of ignorance to what in the world that might mean. I am so thankful we did not allow our lack of comfort to keep us from visiting and finding the jewel of a church we are now apart of.

Because many of the variables involved in any given Sunday service are not what we were used to, it did take some time to adjust and learn about the many expressions of worship we had never experienced at our previous churches. Though I was somewhat comfortable with gifts of the Spirit such as tongues or teaching, I had never been in a service where someone received a Word from the Lord and stood and spoke it for the benefit of the entire congregation. In Guatemala I attended a church which had reserved half of its sanctuary as a dance floor (where, every week, the first people to utilize the space were the elders of the church). Though there is no designated dance space at Radiant, it is not uncommon for people to worship in dance.

Tim and I have spent many hours discussing these new and different means of expression worship and how they fit into our current understanding of scripture and the direction God has given His church. We met with the Senior Pastor and his wife (who, yesterday, brought me over a batch of the Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls- winner) multiple times to ask questions and share our hearts on the matter. We were like sponges. Travis, our Senior Pastor, called us a few weeks ago and said he had a book he thought we would enjoy. He brought us "Empowered Evangelicals" by Rich Nathan and Ken Wilson and encouraged us to read it as we were processing through these new experiences.

I started to read the book before Christmas and ended up giving my dad a copy as a gift. Though I am not done, the book has really helped me to understand the roots of both the charismatic and evangelical movements and why they can, at times, be so polarized in the twenty-first century. The authors do a good job of exploring the relationship between worshiping in both Spirit and Truth and the error that comes when one is emphasized over the other. Here is an excerpt I read last night:

An honest reading of the Scriptures and church history demands that we maintain an open attitude toward the work of the Spirit to renew the church. God is God and he does whatever he pleases in the way that pleases him. The mere fact that we feel uncomfortable, or that there is a mixture of wheat and tares, doesn't mean God is not at work. 

But along with a posture of openness we must also exercise discernment. "Do not put out the Spirit's fire; do not treat prophecies with contempt. Test everything. Hold onto the good. Avoid every kind of evil." (1 Thes. 5:19-22)...Some people seem to think that genuine openness to the Spirit and discernment are incompatible,. But the work of the Spirit demands discernment, since the Spirit interacts with human beings who are anything but perfect. It is essential that we understand what is from God and what is not...The fact that conservative evangelicals can learn something from charismatics and that charismatics can learn something from conservative evangelicals doesn't mean we have do adopt everything the other side offers. So with openness we must also hold on to discernment. (pg. 55)

This new journey has been fascinating so far and I know God has much more to reveal to us as we continue down this path. I am excited to know and experience Him in new ways and am so thankful that we are surrounded by brothers and sisters who desire to worship God in both Spirit and Truth.

Family Prayer Box

⁵ and Joshua said to them, "Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, ⁶ to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' ⁷ tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever." Joshua 4:5-7

This last month has been full of blessings. I have lived a very blessed life but I cannot remember a time where I felt like I was being overloaded with such unmerited and unexplainable gifts from God in such quantity. As we prepare to move into our new home next weekend, I am more and more convinced that God has given us that home to be a memorial for our family to remind us of God's provision and blessings.

A few years ago, Tim and I wanted to create something tangible that could help us remember the many ways God has answered our prayers and provided for our family. We talked about journaling but wanted to have something that could be set out in our living room and be noticed. Our desire was that whatever we used would be a conversation piece for those who came to our home so that when we were asked, "hey, what's that?" we could share the many ways God has blessed our family.

We decided on this cool photo box I found online, and had "The Kanallakan Family Prayer Box" engraved on the top. We filled the box with index cards and periodically fill them out with our family prayer requests and praises of God's provision.

As I was filling out new cards filled with the many blessings of this month, I was so encouraged and filled as I read through the many cards we had written throughout the last 3 years. Answered prayers for a new (and free) car when ours was totaled, finding out I was pregnant the same day Tim was offered a job, God leading us out of a unhealthy church situation into a place where we could heal. God's provision and blessings again and again, written in our own hand writing for our children and their children to read and be encouraged.


Here are a few of the things that went into the box today:

•  New, beautiful home
•  Incredibly low interest rate
•  Escrow closing a week early
•  Keys handed to us on our Anniversary
•  $3000 gift from builder for window treatments
•  Our Realtor gifting us one of the garage door opener units ($300.00)
•  Notary finding mistake in our paperwork and, as a result, our monthly mortgage payment dropped   $60 a month
•  Mortgage is now less than our rent in Ventura
•  Tankless water heater was stolen off our house the night after we took ownership. The lead contractor worked it out to replace the heater at no cost to us
•  Apartment Manager allowed us to break our lease with no penalty fees

Thank you Jesus!!!


                  

Disturbed

I have sat down at least four times to write a blog about our recent trip to Haiti. Each time I make an attempt, I go blank on what to say. When I try to organize my thoughts I find myself distracted with moments of trial and victory in Haiti, followed by feelings of violation with the home break-in, and ending with the overwhelmed reality of us moving in three weeks. My hands freeze up and my mind goes numb. Kind of like when your in the middle of a movie and the power goes out. Just a "bloop" and nothing. So here I am again, sitting at my computer, attempt to write something meaningful and thought provoking if for no other reason than to get my brain moving and processing again.

Our trip to Haiti is hard to explain. I find myself more and more frustrated each time someone asks, "So how was your trip?" I'm not frustrated with the person asking, I'm frustrated with my inability to come up with a sufficient answer. If it makes any sense, I don't even know that I know how the trip was. I do know that the Haitian people are amazingly resilient. I know that the earthquake destroyed their already damaged country. I know that every Haitian had someone close to them die. I know that 3 to 4 million Haitians are now homeless. I know that the only solution to the restoration of the country is Jesus. I know that the American news stations are no longer reporting on Haiti so people assume its all ok now. I know that Port au Prince still smells of decomposing bodies that are lying underneath the rubble. I know that God is at work in Haiti and that the number of new believers is astounding. I know that I want to go back soon.

We heard the earthquake stories of a few Haitian nationals and North American missionaries. Many of the scenes they described have put mental pictures in my mind that I wish I could erase because they are so terrible. I have done some traveling and have seen a lot of poverty and desperation. I could never have imagined the horribleness that I saw in Haiti. And yet God's presence was almost suffocating at times. He is there in that country and He is at work. We literally saw the fruit of His work each day we were there. It was like sitting back and watching a play. We were the stage hands moving the props and helping the Haitian actors while the Divine director/writer continued unveiling His work of art.

A very wise friend who knows me incredibly well gave me the book Dangerous Surrender, by Kay Warren, the day we got back from Haiti. I started to read it yesterday and was overwhelmed by the similarities between Kay's words and my unspoken thoughts. She writes about being "seriously disturbed" by the reality of our world. Not the temporary gripe about gas prices or republican/democrat stuff that so many people spend their time wrapped up in, but the really awful, evil, dark stuff that we skip over in the newspaper or mute on the television. She talks about not only allowing your self to be disturbed but then to figure out what God wants you to do with yourself once you have been.

I didn't expect to be so "disturbed" by Haiti. Like I said before, I've traveled a bit and have seen poverty. It always ends with a few prayers of thankfulness for all I have been given and the desire to sponsor another kid in a third world country. Within a few months I'm back to the outlet malls justifying my need to buy a headband or another cute purse. My prayer is that Haiti continues to disturb me deeply, so deeply that it changes how I live and look at the world in a dramatic way.

Here is one of my favorite quotes from Kay's book so far:

God in His sovereignty decided where you would be born and allowed you to live in a place that has almost everything anyone could ever desire, so there is no guilt that he has ordered our lives in such a way. The only guilt we bear is the guilt of ignoring the men, women, and children of this world who do not have what we have- the guilt of spending the majority of our time, money, and resources exclusively on ourselves and our families. That is legitimate guilt. (p 22)

We arrived home on Sunday afternoon to find our front door jam almost completely ripped off and our front window screen-free and open. They only took a few things from each of our dressers (my jewelry box with my wedding ring, heirloom family jewelry, pearls my dad gave me on my wedding day, necklaces and bracelets from anniversaries, etc.) but tossed our room up a bit. Walking into our home and seeing, first, all the stuff we have, and second, all the stuff that was stolen, created a mess of confusing emotions. I was angry and sad that many of my most precious things were gone but after just returning from Haiti, I was so thankful my husband and child were not lying crushed under a concrete building. How upset could I truly be that I now had less stuff then before?

Though I am upset about my stolen jewelry, each frustrated thought ends with the face of someone I saw in Haiti who has lost everything and now sleeps under a tattered sheet in one of the hundreds of tent-cities surrounding the capitol.

For now, I spend a lot of time praying for Haiti and asking God to continue to guide me in my processing of our trip and the week that followed. I have come to love and identify so well with this quote from Pastor Chambers:

"If through a broken heart God can bring His purposes to pass in the world, then thank Him for breaking your heart." Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, November 1

Haiti Update

A few months ago, God called Tim and I away from the church where we had been serving. We were not sure exactly why, just that He was being very clear that He had somewhere else for us to minister to others and be ministered to. We stepped out in faith, taking the hits that came with our decision, and have been learning a lot about trusting God. We have visited quite a few churches in the area and have been amazed that each Sunday we have gone to a new church, the message has been exactly on point for what God had been bringing us through that week. To have that type of confirmation as we have been on this journey has been invaluable.

Though we have experienced God in new and exciting ways these last few months, we have also had to deal with the struggle of feeling unattached to a local body of believers. We have missed the bond of believers that comes from seeing each other at small group during the week and then worshiping together on Sunday morning. Although we have made some incredible new friends and have received an enormous amount of encouragement from those new relationships, we have longed for the close camaraderie we once knew.

As we began the first conversations of our upcoming Haiti trip, we would often mention what a bummer it was that we didn't have a home church to support us.  We weren't talking about financial support. We wished for the spiritual and emotional support we had experienced from past trips and had participated in when others went out on the mission field. To have a church family physically surround you and pray over you before you leave, is a unique and beautiful spiritual experience that we would not have for this trip.

Thankfully God is much bigger than us!!

We began telling people about our trip mid-march. Support letters went out via email, facebook, and snail mail. At first we didn't get much of a response but we kept talking to people and praying for provision. The funding for our trip began to trickle in and along with the money came notes of encouragement and the promise of prayers. We received donations from people we haven't seen or spoken to in over 10 years.  Old work colleagues, one of Tim's Fresno State professors, ladies from my Bible Study group, even non-Christian friends were sending us funding for our trip. We even received $40 from a woman in San Diego who we've never met!

As of today, I am thrilled to report that we have received $3815 towards our $3500 goal and we know of a least $400 of donations that are in the mail. With the extra money we've been given, Tim will be able to purchase tools and prosthetic supplies needed to help stock the new prosthetic clinic where the first patient was seen and given a new leg this week.

To experience this level of emotional and spiritual support from people all over the country, some who know us well, some who we barely know, has been incredible. Though we don't have a local church supporting us, we have felt the prayers of our brothers and sisters around California and throughout the states in a powerful way and we will leave for Haiti knowing they are praying on our behalf.

God is good!!!

For the display of His splendor...

I love the book of Isaiah. It's pretty heavy in spots, but so beautifully descriptive and poetic. During my quiet time this morning I was super distracted with thoughts of parenting, finances, future plans, what to make for dinner, and shoes for Easter. After settling my mind I began to pray for our upcoming trip to Haiti and read Isaiah 61. This passage has officially been adopted as my prayer for our upcoming trip and for the nation of Haiti.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the broken hearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn and provide for those who grieve in Zion, to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, and oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of HIS splendor." Isaiah 61:1-3

Wow. What a beautiful word picture for our trip. If I had any artistic ability I would paint a picture of the country of Haiti with tall, strong oak trees covering the land with a sign under them saying, "Planted by the Lord for the display of His splendor."

She's makin' a list...

Three weeks from today Tim and I will be boarding flight 833 from Miami to Port au Prince, Haiti. Now that tickets have been purchased, we begin the "checklist" process. Those of you who know me well know that I am a "list" person so this part of the planning is always right up my alley...though I've never had a list look quite like this one:


- mosquito net
- face masks
- permethrin spray
- inflatable pillow
- ear plugs
- individually wrapped packaged powdered drink mixes
- instant coffee packets
- individual peanut butter packets
- English/French Creole dictionary


A definite adventure!!

Tim and I continue to pray that the funding for our trip would come in quickly. We have already been given a little over $1000 (thank you Jesus!) and have about $2500 left to raise. We are excited to see what God is going to do next. Never a dull moment these days!!!

Hurry up and wait.

After an incredibly encouraging morning studying Esther with my beautiful small group, I just had to share some of the things God revealed to me this week through studying God's Word...

Our culture is training us to be impatient.  Instant information via the world wide web, text messages, faxes, fast food, etc., have conditioned us to expect immediate results. Waiting for something is a huge inconvenience and so when God doesn't answer us immediately or when His answer is to (heaven forbid) "wait", we don't know what to do with ourselves.

It is interesting to wonder what was going on in Queen Esther's mind when she finally had her husband, King Xerxes and his stooge, Haman, sitting with her at the banquet she had prepared for them. This was it. She was going to reveal her Jewish heritage and plead for the king to reverse his decree of genocide against her people. The king has asked her, "what do you require?" and Esther answers, "come back tomorrow for another feast." What? Come back tomorrow? End it now Esther! Why in the world would you wait until tomorrow?

Scripture doesn't tell us why Esther did not make her request at the first banquet. Ecclesiastes 3:1-7 does however tell us that, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven...a time to be silent and a time to speak." It was not yet time for Esther to speak, it was time for Esther to wait.

Behind the curtain, God was orchestrating a scene that only He could have written. Had Esther unveiled her true identity to the king at the first banquet, though she may have succeeded at having Haman removed from the picture, perhaps the king would have been so bitter towards her (having no reason, at that time, to doubt Haman) that he would not have made any effort to help the Jewish people. Somehow Esther knew to wait.

I don't like waiting. When I ask God for direction, I expect Him to respond like the GPS system in my car (minus the female voice with the British accent). But some times (most of the time in my case) God has us wait, maybe because He is currently working on the other people involved or because He wants to teach us patience, either way, we are forced to wait.

Tim and I have recenlty found ourselves in a few situations where we have had to wait on God for answers and direction. This morning during Bible Study, the following verse from Isaiah  was highlighted and so encouraging for me. If you are in a situation where you are having to wait on God, take encouragement in this verse from Isaiah 40:31, "...but those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength." Waiting on your answer, or your circumstance to change, or that one person to do what you want, will cause you to stress and worry and become exhausted. Waiting on the Lord will give you strength while you wait.

Is "good enough" good enough?

Do you ever have one of those weeks where everything you read or every conversation you have seems to be about the same issue? This week was one of those for me and I can't help but think God is trying to get something through my blond head. I am doing a study through the book of Esther with some wonderfully wise women and this week, much of our study was on the issue of "perfectionism" and unrealistic personal expectations. I am currently reading, "The Blessings of a Skinned Knee," by Dr.Wendy Mogel, which deals with applying Jewish teachings in child-rearing. The last chapter I read dealt with "perfectionism" and unrealistic personal expectations.

As these concepts have been floating around my brain, I've found myself to be more and more confused about when it is appropriate to expect or strive for perfection and when it is appropriate to just be "good enough." Here is an example...

The quote from my Bible Study is this,

Perfectionism is a disposition to regard anything short of perfection as being unacceptable. I'm not suggesting we shouldn't do our best. I'm simply saying that some times just surviving certain tasks without falling apart is our best and in those times God is not ashamed of our performance. God isn't interested in our stellar performance but in our hearts.

(From Beth Moore's Esther Study, pg 112)

Now, here is a quote from The Blessing of a Skinned Knee on how children do not need the best of everything (teacher, homework assignments, friends, etc.)but that "good enough" can be all they need:

Consider that "good enough" can often be best for your child, because when life is mostly ordinary and just occasionally extraordinary, your child won't end up with expectations of herself and those around her that cant be met on the worldly plane.

(Dr. Mogel, pg 55)

My dilemma is this: When should my goal be perfection and when should my goal be "good enough?" As a young child, I was a perfectionist. My dad had to create the "one mistake a day" rule so that I would allow myself room for error. My parents were (are) very accepting and gracious when I made mistakes and in no way pressured me to feel I had to be perfect. It was an expectation I placed on myself, without anyone's help. Though my quest for perfection is nothing like it was when I was eight, I still have very high expectations of myself. Mostly because I know I am quite a capable person and so, with a little hard work and caffeine , I can usually meet my personal goals and expectations.

But what about when I can't meet my goals. What about on Monday when I have a list of 15 things to do and because Sawyer is snotty nosed and grumpy, I get (maybe) two things done. I set a personal goal by making my daily "to do" list and failed to meet my goal. In that case, I think a "good enough" sticker works. But does that mean I don't continue to have the expectation that tomorrow I can conquer my 15 point list? No. I guarantee that Tuesday morning my list will have the 13 items that didn't get done the day before plus whatever else needs to be done on Tuesday and I will expect to get it all done.

I feel like I'm not making much sense...

My question is, when is it appropriate to shift my expectation from perfection to "good enough?"

OR

Should I always strive for perfection and be ok when I'm just "good enough?"

1 Peter 1:15 says, "But just as He who called you is Holy, so be holy in all you do." I don't know about other translations but my NIV does not read "try to be holy" or "good enough is just fine." God's expectation is that I will be holy in all I do. He would expect that of me if it were not possible, right? So often we say "nobody is perfect" and some how we understand it to mean that nobody can be perfect.

I'm not talking past mistakes and yada yada. I'm talking about getting up tomorrow morning and making it through an entire day being holy in all I do. Is that a high personal expectation? You betcha. Is it striving for perfection? I guess so.

Now I'm really confused...Any comments would be gladly welcomed.

A Spiritual Spring Cleaning

Last year Tim and I were blessed to attend a presentation of the symbolism and significance behind the Jewish tradition of the Passover meal. We were both fascinated by what we learned and discussed the beauty of ancient cultural and religious traditions and how so much of that Old Testament reverence is lost in our "what ever works for you" Christian culture. At the end of the presentation, the Jewish missionary who spoke, ended his time talking about the tradition of Lent. Having grown up in non-denominational and Southern Baptist churches, Lent was not something we observed or really spoke about. This novel idea excited Tim and I and last year we decided to fast away desserts and sweet treats for Lent.

This year we have again given up all things sweet and delicious. Lent started last Wednesday, Feb. 17th and continues until April 3rd, the day before Easter. Though giving up sweets may not seem too big a deal, let me tell you, it is tough. Its not so much the big treats (pies, cakes, cookies, etc.) because we don't eat a lot of those foods. Its the things we eat without thinking about it (a chocolate covered strawberry at Bible Study, a handful of M&Ms at the office, a mocha from Starbucks) that are hard to say no to.

I was reading about Lent earlier this week and really liked the following description from churchyear.net:

The purpose of Lent is to be a season of fasting, self-denial, Christian growth, penitence, conversion, and simplicity. Lent, which comes from the Teutonic (Germanic) word for springtime, can be viewed as a spiritual spring cleaning: a time for taking spiritual inventory and then cleaning out those things which hinder our corporate and personal relationships with Jesus Christ and our service to him. Thus it is fitting that the season of Lent begin with a symbol of repentance: placing ashes mixed with oil on one's head or forehead. However, we must remember that our Lenten disciplines are supposed to ultimately transform our entire person: body, soul, and spirit. Our Lenten disciplines are supposed to help us become more like Christ. Eastern Christians call this process theosis, which St. Athanasius aptly describes as "becoming by grace what God is by nature."

(That last quote from St. Anthanasius makes me so excited and fills me with hope!)

Observing Lent has become a new tradition for our little family and I am very excited to incorporate it into our Easter celebration. Though giving up chocolate donuts does not seem like a spiritually transforming act, our decision to remove yummy things from our menu for the 46 days until we celebrate Christ's resurrection, allows us to be reminded of the huge act of self-denial our Savior made on our behalf. Thinking about His ultimate sacrifice makes putting down that cookie much easier.

The Quest for Noble Diligence

Pigs have flown. Amber Kanallakan is starting a blog. I honestly never thought it would happen and yet, here I am, sitting at my desk, trying to navigate through something called a "dashboard" while attempting to paste a cute background into a "gadget." I thought I was fairly PC savvy until this experience...

"So, why the blog?" You may be asking. Well, I always told myself that I would not join the throngs of mommy-bloggers unless I had a specific purpose in blogging. I am trying to minimize my time spent on the computer and so did not want to get into the habit of online daily journaling just because. I wanted my blogging to be focused. The question then became, focused on what?

I have been an "at home" mommy now for four months. The adjustment has been harder then I anticipated but I have already learned so much about who I am, what I am not, and who I want to become. I am discovering my passions and, along with my passions, my dreams. That statement will seem incredibly corny and dramatic to some, but if you are a "stay at home" person, I think you know what I am talking about. I am sorting through questions like, "What is the purpose of my life?" "What do I like to do?" "What do I want to be when I grow up?" These are all questions I had asked (and thought I'd answered) in college. The purpose of my life was to "love God by enjoying Him forever" (thank you Mr. Piper). As far as what I liked to do, "reading, singing, and hanging out with friends" was the typical answer I gave. When asked about what I wanted to be when I grew up, I answered, "a wife and mother and I want to manage a crisis pregnancy center."

It is amazing what you think you know when you're twenty. Yes, it was only five years ago, but now, being a wife and mother, having little time to read, sing, or hang out with friends, and trying to figure out how to love God and enjoy Him, if you were to ask me those three questions today, I'd say, "I haven't the foggiest idea." Thus, my blog.

As far as my life's purpose, I still believe it to be to glorify God in everything I do. I just need to figure out what that looks like in my current situation. How do I glorify God while doing laundry, thawing chicken, and vacuuming my carpet for the fifth time that day?

The question of what I like to do...well, that's a fun one because it seems to be evolving each week. I have found a new passion for cooking and meal planning (yes, you did just read that I am becoming passionate about meal planning). Because we are on a tight budget now that I am home, meal planning has become necessary and I am starting at square one as far as my "how to" skill level there. I am certainly far from mastering the art, but I am learning new things every week and am inspired by some new people God has brought into my life who are incredibly good at the whole "homemaker" thing.

What do I want to be when I grow up? The jury is still out on that one. I don't honestly know what my answer is to that but I do know that along the way I want to be the best wife and mom I can be and that I want to learn as much as I can about being a diligent, resourceful, frugal, classy, and creative woman.

All that being said, the purpose of my blog is to map my journey and hopefully give some encouragement to any of my friends or family who may be asking the same three questions. If nothing else, I am sure I'll be entertaining to watch as I struggle through the challenges of figuring it out. Plus, I think it will be fun to look back in a year and see how far I've come. I have both small and large goals for myself and my family and I have great expectations for seeing how and if I am able to meet those goals. The woman described in Proverbs 31 is my inspiration and everytime I read it, God highlights specific verses, showing me what He wants me to focus on at that time. Here are the verses I'd like to set the tone for this blogging adventure:

"She watches over the affairs of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: 'Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all.'" Proverbs 31:27-29